Jagged Gorgeous Winter
by Nova Starlight
Summary: Songfic to "Jagged Gorgeous Winter" by The Main Drag. Shirou's reflections on his strange relationship with Yonekuni.


Disclaimer: I do not own Sex/Love Pistols or any of its characters.

Author's Notes: This is a songfic, lyrics are italicized and the song is A Jagged Gorgeous Winter by The Main Drag

A Jagged Gorgeous Winter

By: Nova Starlight

Shirou was lying on his bed, his textbook and homework forgotten by his side. He felt a small chill and reached for the blanket folded at the foot of his bed. His eyes caught movement out the window and he saw the falling snow. He wondered if Madarame would come tonight. The thought sent a familiar heat coursing through his body. He tried to shake it off and not think about it. Shirou wished he knew what was happening between them, what caused Madarame to come to him like he did. It was a mystery to him. The only thing he had managed to figure out was that it had seemed to happen when the weather was cool. Each and every time he would come and speak to him in a soft voice; telling him to hold him. How could he be expected to resist those words from the one he loved? The bad part came afterwards, when his brother would come for him, and the next day it would be as if nothing had happened. He caught himself lost in his thoughts and staring at the door. He cursed himself for hoping and thought to himself, "He must have found a girl for tonight." Pushing his books off of the bed, he turned on his stereo and listened to the radio as he tried to sleep.

He had almost drifted off completely when the words caught his attention.

_Winter taking days_

_Nights filled with longer hours (hey)_

_Nights filled with longer hours (hey)_

_Nights filled with longer hours (hey)_

_Winter solstice_

_Passing by Us_

_Temperatures dropping_

_Try Us_

_With Colder Feelings_

It made him think of Madarame again. It had been nearly a year since this strange ritual had begun between them. The first time he had brought Madarame into his home. He had expected someone who hated men as much as he did to recoil from his touch, to wrap himself in the blankets on the bed. Instead he had reached out for him and pulled their bodies together, searching for his heat. Shirou had found himself frozen in shock and as he looked into his face he was met with a vacant expression. He had realized very quickly that Madarame was not himself, but he felt powerless to resist. Feeling his strong body relaxed in his embrace, his eyes fluttered closed and his arms wrapped around him tightly.

He had been so blissfully happy as he laid on his bed and held his crush in his arms. With a smile he remembered how he had even pinched himself just to be sure it had not all been cruel dream. As Madarame finally succumbed to sleep, he allowed himself to consider what he should do now. He knew that whatever peaceful spell had come over his friend would not last, and when he awoke he would most likely return to his angry and man-hating self. Finally, he approached him and secured his cell phone from his pants pocket. He dialed the number listed for home, expecting a parent to answer, but instead it was his brother Kunimasa. His nerves were rattled as he explained that Madarame was not feeling well and was resting at his house. Without any other explanation, Kunimasa said that he would come pick him up.

Watching the two leave, Madarame still in a hazy, unfocused, state; he had thought that for one night he had been lucky enough to hold his love in his arms. He also believed that nothing like that would ever happen again.

Of course, he had been wrong. After that, whenever it was cold or rainy, inevitably Madarame would show up on his doorstep As he listened to the song that continued playing softly on the radio, he remembered when it had all changed.

_Black ice and hidden lust_

_White sheets of snow concealing_

_Gloves on hands_

_With warmer pasts_

During the first snowfall of winter in his second year, he had been preparing for bed when his cell phone started ringing. He had known as he was picking it up that it would be Madarame; no one else would call his cell this late at night. When Madarame had arrived, there had been something different about him, something even more…detached about his expression. Shirou had opened up his arms, offering him the comfort and warmth that he sought.

Suddenly, as they were lying together, he could feel the firm length of Madarame pressing against his thigh. His face had instantly suffused with crimson color, and he had been so shocked he blurted out, "You're hard?"

Madarame's response was a kiss, passionate and searching, a kiss that melted any resistance he may have had to what was coming next.

_And plastic sleds cracking_

_The newly chapped_

_Huddling against the wall_

_Of shrinking college trends_

His brain had screamed at him to put a stop to this, to push Madarame away from him, but his body's response was too powerful. Everywhere that he touched seemed to feel hot and tingly. It was as if there were an electric current running through his skin. He had never felt anything like this before, his senses were overwhelmed. It was almost primal, his body's response to Madarame. He wanted to touch and be touched, and he clung to Madarame as he took control.

_We cast our make pretendsExtra heat demandsA rising constant powerDarkness taking days_

As their clothes fell to the floor, he could feel the heat enveloping his body. It was almost like a sauna, the gleam of perspiration began to coat their skin. Madarame took hold of him and began to gently stroke. That was all it took and Shirou felt himself losing control just from his touch. He had been embarrassed by his quick response, but Madarame did not react, or say anything. He had simply taken his hand, covered in Shirou's release, and moved down to the tight opening.

He had gasped in surprise as one finger began to push its way inside of his body. This was too much for him, he could feel his body being stretched and a second finger was added. Before he could regain control, to try to push him away and stop all of this before it got too far, he felt Madarame pushing himself inside. His head had thrown back and he had moaned in both pain and pleasure. Again, he was helpless to say or do anything; he could only hang on to Madarame as they moved. As the feelings of pain began to subside, he began respond verbally. He moaned "Madarame," over and over. Then a powerful thrust seemed to touch something inside of him and without thinking he practically screamed, "Yonekuni."

When it was over, he had been unsure of what to say, what to do next. Madarame was the same as he always was when he came over like this. He had fallen into a deep sleep. He had felt the tears in his eyes and quickly brushed them away, he had been able to make love with the one he loved, but the one he loved would have no memory of it come the morning. It all seemed so cruel and pathetic. He composed himself quickly and reached for his cell phone to dial Kunimasa.

_With the days living faster now_

Shirou had considered that what had happened that night could have been a one time thing, but far from it. As time had passed it seemed to happen with increasing frequency; especially when it was rainy or cold. Again and again, he told himself that next time he would push him away, but he always answered the phone when Madarame called. Then when he arrived, from the first touch of lips his resistance was gone.

_Nights filled with longer hours (hey)Nights filled with longer hours (hey)Nights filled with longer hours (hey)_

Shirou sighed and concluded that he was not going to be able to sleep. His thoughts were focused only on Madarame and their current relationship. He reached out for the lamp on his bedside table and turned it on.

As he sat up, he considered what would happen when graduation came. Would Madarame continue calling himwhen he needed to be warmed? Or would he find someone else to be his 'pretend' friend? Someone else to call when he was cold?

_Got a jagged gorgeous winter from a summers thread_

_All the lies you told about me they were totally, totally, totally true_

_Thinking through the noise you get back to bed_

_With your tinker tinker toys_

_You gotta think it, think it, think it, thinking it through._

His thoughts and questions were interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. He already knows who is calling without even glancing at the lit up display. Right now, he knew he had a choice to make; he could pick it up knowing what would happen next, or he could ignore it and leave Madarame to find someone else. At the thought of Madarame with someone else he felt the familiar pain in his chest. _Got a jagged gorgeous winter from a summers threadAll the lies you told about me they were totally, Totally, totally trueThinking through the noise you get back to bedWith your tinker tinker toysYou gotta think it, think it, think it, thinking it Through._

Quickly, he reached for the phone and flipped it open, just seconds before it would have gone to voicemail. He can hear Madarame's voice on the line. He is speaking softly, nearly whispering; he can barely understand his words. It does not really matter what he is saying, it is the same every time, Shirou knows what he wants. "Yonekuni, its ok," he began with a sad smile on his face. "You can come over, I'll meet you out front." Then he hung up the phone and buried his face in his hands.

_Got a jagged gorgeous winter from a summers thread_

_All the lies you told about me they were totally, Totally, totally true_

_Thinking through the noise you get back to bed_

_With your tinker tinker toys_

_You gotta think it, think it, think it, thinking it through._

Shirou makes his way outside and sees Madarame approaching. He can not help but marvel at how attractive, daresay beautiful, he looks. He knew at that moment with absolute certainty that he would never be able to let him go. It did not matter how much it hurt or how much he was ignored, as long as Madarame came to him like this, he would never be able to resist the temptation.

He was ready with a blanket and wrapped it around Madarame as he came close enough. Without regard for where they were or anyone who might have been walking past, Madarame kissed him. Shirou felt himself being swept away all over again, losing all sense of reason and being ruled by sensation. It would be another night like many that had come before and there was no telling how many more times this would happen in the future. For now, all Shirou could do was wrap his arms around his love and kiss him back; hoping that his actions would communicate all the love he had hidden inside. _Drag it out Drag it out Drag it _

_Drag it out Drag it out Drag itDrag it out Drag it Out Drag it_

The End

Author's Notes:

I hope everyone likes my songfic. It has been a long time since I have written one and I was inspired by this song. It is also my first time writing for Sex/Love Pistols and I cannot wait to write more, especially Yonekuni & Shirou.


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